Published in The MOMster Chronicles January Edition.
The relatives have gone, the decorations have been put away, the kids are all busy playing with their new games, toys or gadgets, and you’re basking in the romantic glow of the perfect gift your significant other gave you.
Or are you?
The holidays are some of the most stressful times on a relationship, no matter the level of intimacy you’ve reached. No matter if you’ve just started dating someone or celebrating your 25th wedding anniversary, there is one universal truth all women need to remember; we men aren’t always so bright.
Before anyone takes offense, let me rephrase that last statement; we men aren’t as detail oriented as women are.* So when you told your hubby last month that you’d REALLY like a forest green cashmere sweater, rest assured he only heard one of those four words. Maybe two.
Communication is paramount in any relationship. But in a romantic relationship, we can, after time, slip into ‘mind reading’ and assume what our partner wants, needs and desires.
The reality is that we often give what we want to receive. When unhappy, we tend to withhold what we often most want. A simple example is a hug. You give them and will generally get them back when you’re happy. But when you are unhappy, you withdraw, and others give you space just when you need a hug the most.
Gifts can reflect the same thing in a relationship. We give what we want to receive, give something that will make the other person happy (and thus ourselves), or we give what the other person says they want when they give us a list.
The best gifts are those that are unexpected and heartfelt. And it’s important to always think about why the gift was given to you from the other person’s perspective.
If you want that forest green cashmere sweater, go buy it yourself and expect nothing.
And when your guy gives you a forest green robe, slippers, a blue sweater and a red cashmere scarf, just stop and think how much he loves to see you comfy and cozy at home with him, how sexy you look in the sweater he got you, and how great he believes the cashmere must feel against your neck on a cold winter day.
Ahhhh. There’s that glow.
*Brain Rules: 12 Principles for Surviving and Thriving at Work, Home and School by John Medina
Written by Eric Huber
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(MOMmy Rappings is an article written for The MOMster Chronicles. Articles are posted one month later here. To subscribe and get the latest tips, information and help for moms, contact Megan Donley at www.childtamer.com)