The Single Guy: Man Eater

- 7 min read -

singleguylogoSo there I was… dangling upside-down strapped in the front seat of a Jeep on my first safari, which, obviously, had gone very wrong. My suspicions were correct about the guide being drunk when he picked me up. Luckily I had not been and made sure to put my seatbelt on.

Oh, it was lovely riding along the plains seeing antelope and wildebeest galloping away as we approached. But when a herd of zebras bolted right towards us from a tree-line, the guide had mumbled something about, “You’re in for a rare treat. There is a predator nearby that has spooked them.”

Unfortunately, when he swerved to miss a zebra, he flipped and rolled the jeep.

Minutes later, and quite stunned, I could see the lioness approaching. She was circling the jeep. Even though I wasn’t hurt badly, I still had a cut on my forehead that was bleeding badly and dripping onto the ground. I was unable to unlatch the seatbelt and don’t know what I would have done if I had.

I remained perfectly still as the lioness came right up to me, growled, licked the blood on my face and said….

“Mmmm…I could just eat you up.”


Okay, really, I was at my office with several co-workers and “Aggressive Girl” had shown up without notice. Considering she made this comment in my place of work I might have named her “Inappropriate Girl,” but the first name stuck.

“I tried to call you for lunch, where were you? Not two-timing me were you?” she purred.

“Oh no. I just went to the gym. Remember, I’m going three days a week now.”

She walked up closer, grabbed my ever-shrinking gut, and said, “Mmmmm….don’t work out too much. I like to have something to hang onto.” (See? “Inappropriate Girl!”)

My co-workers scattered, holding their laughter.

Now, ladies, don’t get me wrong. We guys LOVE aggressive women. We even love being ‘claimed’ in public. But something about blatant sexuality can freak people out. Personally, I just don’t like making others uncomfortable.

Living in the Bible belt, that sort of thing isn’t discussed, except on message boards and in chat rooms. DEFINITELY NOT OUT LOUD! We all know we do it, we just don’t talk about it.

And sometimes, it really helps for the woman to be aggressive since the 80s and 90s really reversed rolls with men and women. The 70s showed men always taking advantage of women and what women really wanted was sensitive men who they could talk to all night. So, today, you find men taking a lot of time to express sensitivity and love to get sex, and women exuding sex and power to get love. It’s a weird cycle, in my opinion. It’s sure to turn again.

Back to “Aggressive Girl” and a short story of our last date.

All this talk in public was really okay, except for the fact that we had never done anything. There were always mixed signals. Greens and reds flashed constantly. I wasn’t sure if this was going to be a relationship, but there were hints that at least the night was going to be fun.

smileyI arrived at her apartment, following the latest fashion trends in men’s magazines. I gave myself a little confidence boost with black silk boxers with smiley faces on them. If there’s a chance at sex,  it’s always best to have a woman point at your undies and laugh than just point and laugh.

She was stunning when I opened the door, wearing a low-cut gold shimmering blouse, short tight black leather skirt, stiletto gold heels, dark hair piled up high, and an intoxicating scent.

She pulled me in, pushed me against the door and we voraciously devoured each other. She tore my shirt open, whipped off my belt, clawed me like a lioness as she worked her way up to my neck. I pulled her close and she purred in my ear, “I can’t wait to have your babies.”

My mind reeled. The world tilted. My blood pressure (and stuff) dropped. ‘What did she just say??? She didn’t just say ‘have my babies,’ did she?’

But she had.

I grabbed this goddess by the shoulders and moved her away from me. I pulled the old, “It’s not you, it’s me,” card and shortly ended the date.

There’s a saying, “Men want a lady in public and a freak in the bedroom.” And there IS the women’s version, “…a gentleman about town and a savage in bed.”

Personally, how great to have fun, great conversation, and experiencing new things with someone, and go back for a night of pure hedonism. I think that strikes a balance in life.

Yes or yes?




© 2009-2019 Eric Huber. The Single Guy is a work of fiction (even if the events seem familiar to everyone). All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

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